Bitter End Read online

  “We can move,” I said. “Really. I don’t always get a headache. Besides, being in the front row for this movie might be really intense.”

  “Nah,” he said. “My girl likes to be safe in the middle, we’ll be safe in the middle.”

  “You sure?” I asked, but before he could answer, a group of girls wandered in, giggling. We both glanced up.

  It may have been my imagination, but I could swear Cole stopped chewing for just a fraction of a second. But it was so subtle and brief, I felt myself doubting I saw him pause, even as I was thinking it.

  But one thing wasn’t subtle: One of the girls totally stopped laughing when she saw us. In fact, she stopped walking, her hands reaching out to her friends on either side of her, almost like she was startled.

  They all hesitated and looked over at Cole, and then one of the girls whispered, “C’mon, Maria,” and tugged at the girl’s shirt. Finally, she stopped staring at Cole and followed them up the stairs behind us. Their giggles started up again after a few seconds, but when I glanced back at them, the girl was still just staring at Cole, her face stone cold.

  I tried to read the reaction in Cole’s face, but it was dark and shadowy, and he was chewing on the popcorn again. The light from the movie screen was flickering off his forehead.

  “You know them?” I asked, trying to sound light and cheery. I didn’t want to sound like a jealous girlfriend. But it was obvious that something was up between them.

  “Yeah,” he said, taking a sip of his soda. “They go to Pine Gate. Not exactly friends of mine, though.”

  I glanced back at the girl, who was now distracted by her friends. They were chatting, loudly, and passing a bag of candy back and forth. “I could tell,” I whispered. “She looked ready to bolt when she saw you.”

  He made a snorting noise. “Nah, it’s nothing like that. She’s a junior. Her parents are friends with my parents. Used to be, I mean. They don’t really hang together since we moved. Which is good ’cause Maria’s kind of a psycho. Has to go to this therapist, like, three times a week. Nuts.”

  I glanced back again. It was true that the girl looked sort of disengaged, even sitting with her friends and talking. Every so often her eyes would go soft and blank, and she’d stare down into her lap with this really faraway expression on her face. And then someone would bump her, and you could almost see her snap out of it and start laughing again. But it was a fake laugh. A forced one. He was totally right. Something about that girl didn’t look right.

  I turned back and reached into the popcorn bucket. “So, how come you guys moved from Pine Gate anyway? It’s so close.”

  He shrugged. “Who knows? My parents just decided to move. Wanted a bigger house and found one out here.”

  “Your senior year? I mean, couldn’t you commute if you wanted to?”

  He swallowed his popcorn and turned to me. “Are you trying to get rid of me?” he asked, his voice soft but ornery. He grinned, and his lips glistened in the blue light. “Already you’re sick of me?” He turned toward the screen again, shaking his head in mock exasperation. “Dangit. Already blown it with the most gorgeous girl in school.”

  I giggled and then reached over and grabbed his chin, moving his face toward mine. “I’m glad you moved,” I whispered.

  “Good,” he whispered back, and kissed me.

  It was a lot easier to ignore the Pine Gate girls behind us after that. Cole and I held hands and tried to beat each other answering the movie trivia questions that were scrolling on the screen as the theater filled up.

  After a while, a couple walked in and sat right in front of us.

  Cole immediately leaned forward. “Hey, dude,” he said. “My girlfriend can’t see over you. Do you think you could maybe move to a different seat?”

  Instantly my ears heard the word “girlfriend,” and I didn’t care if I ever saw a single scene in the movie after that. I, who’d never had a real boyfriend in my life, was somehow Cole Cozen’s girlfriend. This guy who didn’t even try to kiss me until our second date. Who was gorgeous and smart and talented and a sports star. This guy who taught me how to play guitar and was worried about some random stranger blocking my view of the movie screen without my saying a word. This guy who seemed to do little else but pay attention to me and work extra hard to make sure I felt like I mattered.

  The guy in front of us shook his head. “Nowhere else to sit, man.”

  Cole leaned forward again. “Look, I just think maybe you should move to the back or something.”

  The guy in front of us shook his head again and turned back to the screen, clearly finished discussing this with Cole. His date turned around and glanced at Cole. “Why don’t you switch places with her?” she asked. “If it’s that big a problem to you.”

  I put my hand on Cole’s arm. “Hey, it’s no big deal,” I said. “I can see if I lean to the side a little.” I gave him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be right back.”

  I shuffled out of the row and headed toward the ladies’ room.

  I could hear familiar laughter echoing out of it before I even got inside. I pushed open the door hesitantly, and there was the group of Pine Gate girls standing in front of the mirror, floofing their hair and slicking on lip gloss. Maria was washing her hands.

  I squeezed through and pushed into a stall, trying to pretend I wasn’t there. But their laughter had died into occasional eruptions of snickers, followed by prolonged periods of intense whispering.

  After I was finished, I pushed my way to a sink on the far end of the wall. The Pine Gate girls were totally silent now, and I could feel them looking at me as I washed my hands.

  Finally one of them—a heavily freckled girl with unruly curls—broke the silence. “Are you dating Cole Cozen?” she asked. I glanced at her as I pulled two paper towels out of the towel holder. They were all staring at me. All except Maria. She was staring at the floor.

  “Yeah,” I said, trying to sound defiant. “I’m his girlfriend.” It felt weird saying those words, especially since I’d only known I was his girlfriend for about five minutes now, but I couldn’t help smiling condescendingly when I said it.

  They flicked sober looks at one another. “How long have you known him?” Freckles said.

  I shrugged. “A little while,” I said noncommittally. If Maria was kind of crazy, like Cole said—and I totally believed him, given how weird she was acting—chances were her friends were strange, too. I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. Maria had reached over and tugged on Freckles’s sleeve, and they all started whispering again.

  I threw away my paper towels and headed for the door, which meant I had to pass through their cluster. I could almost feel a drop in the temperature when I walked past them, rolling my eyes. Jealous, much?

  The theater had darkened, and the previews were just starting as I got back to my seat.

  “Sorry,” I whispered. “I got trapped by your Pine Gate friends. You’re so right about…” but I trailed off as I noticed that the big guy in front of us was gone. I pointed to the empty seat in front of me. “Where’d they go?”

  Cole grinned. “I convinced them to move,” he said. “Now you can see.”

  This is it, I thought. This is the part about relationships I always knew existed. The romantic part. The soul-mate part. This is what I saw in those photos of my parents—happiness, love, sacrifice. Real stuff. Here it is. It’s mine.

  “I’ve got a better idea,” I said, reaching down and grabbing his hand. “Come on.”

  We gathered up our sodas and popcorn, and I led him to the empty front row.

  “But your headache!” Cole whispered, sliding into the seat next to me.

  I shook my head. “Screw the headache. This is where all the action is.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “I’m really starting to freak out,” Bethany said, sounding breathless on the phone. She’d been working out ever since our first Vacay Day, saying if she was going to be scouting for hotties, she couldn�
��t be looking all flabby. I could hear the whir of her treadmill in the background. “I mean, I need to know if we’re going to go in the summer or the winter, at least.”

  “I know,” I said for about the billionth time.

  “I have to think about college, you know?”

  “I know,” I said again.

  “Because if we’re going in the winter, I may not be able to go.” There was a beeping noise, and her footsteps got louder. She was running.

  “I know.”

  “But there’s no good celeb-watching in the summer,” she huffed. “And I think Zack really wants to go in the winter.”

  “Zack just wants some novice ski bunny to fall on him. I’m sure we could talk him into whitewater rafting with one word: bikinis.”

  Bethany chuckled, and I heard more beeping, and her footsteps got even louder and faster. “I’ve gotta… go,” she said, sucking in air. “Can we… get together sometime… before Saturday?”

  “Sure,” I said. “How about tomorrow after school we’ll go to Shubb’s.”

  “Yeah,” she said. “I’ll text… Zack and… let him know.” There was more beeping. “Shit.” Bethany grunted and disconnected.

  The next day went by slowly, pretty much like every day did now that Cole and I were official. It seemed as though the clock barely moved all day long until seventh period, and then it would fast-forward. Cole had been pulling As in his English class, so we mostly spent our lab time playing table football with a paper triangle, reading my old poems and trying to set them to song, or kissing in the corner between the supply cabinet and the wall, where Mrs. Moody couldn’t see us if she looked in the door. Sometimes, if I didn’t have to work, we’d go out to the spillway after school, and he’d play his guitar while I threw rocks down into the water.

  But today Cole didn’t seem to be in as playful a mood as usual. He slouched in and immediately started griping about Mr. Heldorf, his world history teacher.

  “The guy’s an idiot,” he growled. “He’s giving me a C because I was absent on the day they took some stupid reading quiz and he wouldn’t let me make it up. Moron.”

  I tried reaching over and holding his hands across the desk like always, but he slipped his hands down into his lap moodily.

  “That guy couldn’t teach lessons on how to wipe your ass,” he continued.

  After a while his phone buzzed, and he dug in his jacket pocket for it. He looked at the screen, rolled his eyes, and put it to his ear. “What?” he barked into the phone. There was a pause, during which his face slowly got redder and redder. “I don’t care what you do with it. It’s not my problem. No. No. Listen, don’t call me with this shit, okay? I don’t care what you do with it, just leave me the hell alone about it. Call someone who cares.”

  He snapped the phone shut and put it back in his jacket pocket. Immediately, it buzzed again, but he ignored it.

  I sat up straight in my chair. I’d never seen Cole like this. His mood was so dark you could almost see it radiating off him. Usually he was happy and just excited to be around me. But not today. I didn’t really know what to do with this Cole. I tried smiling, hoping it would help.

  He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “That was my mom. She’s always got some sort of problem that needs to be worked out. Always calling me or making me take her somewhere or some other shit. Never ends with her.”

  “She wanted you to take her somewhere?” I asked, trying again to trap his hands with mine. When I touched him, he seemed to snap out of a daze and see me for the first time.

  He grabbed my hands with his and squeezed. “Nah. Just some bullshit. Listen, you don’t want to hear about it.” He stood up. “I’m gonna see if Mr. Heldorf has a second. I’ll catch up with you later.” He bent over and kissed my ear.

  “Okay,” I said. “I’ll be home a little later, though. Bethany and Zack and I are going to Shubb’s after school. Planning the trip, of course.”

  He stopped, wiping his forehead with three fingers. “Of course,” he answered sarcastically. And he left.

  I looked at the clock. Seventh period wasn’t over for another twenty minutes. I gathered my things and slipped into Mrs. Moody’s office. “Cole’s mom called. He had to go,” I said. “Is it okay if I go to the library?”

  She checked her watch and nodded. “See you tomorrow.”

  But I didn’t go to the library. Instead, I headed to Bethany’s locker, where I waited until the bell rang, wondering what Cole’s mom had wanted and why it had made him so angry. And why it had felt like he was angry with me.

  We decided to ride to Shubb’s in Zack’s crapmobile. Zack was in rare form, telling us about his date with Hannah, and how the refs at the soccer game kept threatening to toss Hannah and Zack out if she didn’t stop yelling. And how she’d almost gotten Zack in a fight with some big, burly college guy in the parking lot at El Manuel’s afterward.

  “And then, get this,” he said, laughing. “She told her mom that she didn’t feel any chemistry and didn’t want to go out with me again. Can you believe that? I got dumped by Hannah Loudmouth! That is a new low. Even for me.”

  We got to Shubb’s and slid into a curved corner booth. “Two orders of cheese breadsticks,” Zack told the waitress, “and a pitcher of Coke.” He patted his chest. “On me, ladies.”

  “Thanks,” Bethany mumbled, rummaging through her giganto-purse and pulling out the Obsessive Files. “Okay, you guys…”

  “No,” Zack said, grabbing each of us around our necks. “I meant literally. On me.” He pulled us toward his chest.

  “Stop it,” I squealed, pulling out from underneath his arm and punching him lightly on the chest. Bethany stayed there a little longer, laughing, but smacking at his arm.

  “You wish,” she said at last, squirming away. “Now, seriously, Zack. We can’t get sidetracked. We need to decide what we want to do.”

  “I was trying to show you,” he said, grabbing her head and pulling her close again.

  Our drinks came, and Bethany used that as her chance to try to get us on track again. “I’m thinking summer would be better,” she said, opening the notebook and turning to a tab marked OUTDOOR.

  “I think summer would be better, too. I might take some classes at community college in the fall,” I said, and as I said it, I was shocked that I really meant it. For my whole life, everything was leading up to this trip to Colorado. Everything. Never did I really consider what would happen afterward. Shannin went away to college on scholarships. Bethany would go away to college, too. Zack would go to acting school. And I would… I’d never filled in the blank before. I’d always shrugged it off when people asked. It was as if I’d never considered that after I got to Colorado and solved the mystery of why my mother was so hell-bent on getting there that I’d have to go back to my own life. Or start my own life. Whichever it was.

  “Since when?” Bethany asked, taking a sip of her drink.

  I shrugged. “Since… I don’t know… since now, I guess.”

  “Is Cole going to community college?” she asked, and even though she didn’t mean anything by it, I still heard it as an accusation.

  “I don’t know,” I said snippily. “We’ve never talked about it.”

  Bethany shrugged. “Cool,” she said.

  The waitress brought our breadsticks, and we ate silently. After a while, Zack started in with another Zack story—something about Celia asking him to sit with her and her freshman friends at lunch. Not surprisingly, he did it. Zack had more self-confidence than anyone I’d ever known. He could pull off sitting at a freshman table. Everyone else would rather die. Even most of the freshmen.

  “Some of those frosh are built,” he said, a string of cheese hanging from his bottom lip. “How come neither of you looked like that when you were freshmen?”

  “Because we didn’t get our parents to buy us water bras,” Bethany said. She slapped her palm against the open notebook. “Okay, so are we in agreement on…”

  “Holy
shit,” Zack mumbled, and put down his breadstick. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  Bethany and I looked up and followed his gaze through the front window of Shubb’s. On the other side, shutting his car door, was Cole.

  “Did you invite Cole here?” Bethany asked. Again, the tone of her voice sounded like she was accusing me of something, though I didn’t know what exactly.

  I shook my head. “Nope, he probably just wanted to say hi.”

  “Goody,” Zack said sourly.

  I shot Zack a look. He stretched his mouth in a wide fake smile.

  “I’ll be right back,” I said, shimmying out of the booth.

  By the time I got around the pinball machines, Cole was already inside, craning his neck to find me. I came up from the side and grabbed him around the waist.

  “Hey!” I said. “What are you doing here?”

  He jumped at first, but smiled when he turned toward me, and snaked his arms around my waist. “Looking for you,” he said. “I got done with Heldorf faster than I thought.”

  “He change his mind about the C?”

  He shook his head. “No. But it’s no big deal. I can still try out for basketball.” He pulled me in tighter. “Mmm, you feel good. But I don’t want to interrupt you guys. I just wanted to see you.” He was back to the Cole I was used to—happy and gentle.

  “You’re not interrupting anything,” I said. Zack would just have to get used to it, and Bethany wouldn’t care as long as we were still planning our trip. “Come on over.”

  I grabbed his hand and pulled him to our table, then slid into the booth beside Bethany, making Zack slide around to the other end of the curve. He had an irritated look on his face, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to sit next to him. God knew what he would do to egg on Cole and start a fight.

  “Hey, Big C! What’s up?” Zack said in a loud voice.

  “Not much,” Cole said tersely. “Just couldn’t stay away from Alex.”

  “I’ll bet,” Zack said.

  I glared across the booth at Zack, daring him to say any more. He must have gotten the hint because he shut up.